Reznor Funny Status Messages

   30 minutes till the Walking Dead!

   I wish I could of been locked up in a basement for 10 years. I could of missed Jersey Shore and that whole Bieber Fever thing!!

   I just booked my Spring Break vacation in North Korea! I can't believe the cheap deal I got!!

   If you see a guy with no arms and your first thought is "My god how does he drink his beer??", You might be an alcoholic.

   Lets elect a black pope! Said no Catholic ever.....

   My friend told me not to say anything about her new boyfriends lazy eye, so I made sure to give numerous compliments on his normal one.

   Just put pop rocks in the kitty litter!

   All I can say is Thank You Sandy for giving me a break from the Election!

   They say alcohol kills people. Lets not forget how many people were born because of it.

   My therapist told me I should quit drinking alcohol and caffeine. I laughed and said "Maybe you're the crazy one!!"

   I watched my first Porn the other day. I looked so much younger back then!

   Every woman thinks her husband is a moron. And they're absolutely right because smart men don't get married.

   I swear girls can be so ungrateful sometimes, I made her breakfast in bed, and instead of saying "Thank you", she's all like... "How the hell did you get into my house?!?!"

   Kim Kardashian settles lawsuit with Old Navy over stealing her likeness; also settles with The Gap over stealing her nickname.

   I've got the moves like jagger! Just kidding, I dance like a retarded penguin.

   My new party trick.. I swallow two pieces of string and an hour later they come out of my ass tied together. I sh!t you knot.

   My wife got naked and asked me to "show her a good time" so I showed her photos of me and my friends before we got married.

   I just got flipped off from a guy in a smart car. I didnt know if I should be mad or laugh.

   I always wonder what the weather men in Arizona do with their time slot. "Well people all week, hot and no rain!" Back to you Jim.

   If I let you control the music in my car, it means I would probably take a bullet for you.