Mick F Funny Status Messages

   If I was ever given just one month to live, I'd watch a baseball game. It's an eternity.

   When it comes to music...Rock...um...uh...ROCKS.

   I just finished the last of the Girl Scout Thin Mints I've been hoarding. Child labor laws, schmabor laws. Those kids bake a damn good cookie.

   Today, I had the greatest Sunday dinner ever. I can't begin to define the level of greatness that this meal possessed. It was so great, I can't actually tell you you how truly great it was. I had Frosted Flakes.

   Patients To An Indifferent Medical Staff At A Penile Implant Clinic: "Can't we all just get a long?"

   That Sinking Feeling: Facebook has worked very hard at making its new Timeline Profiles look like MySpace.

   The day before the annual Gregorian calendar re-set. Here's where I get all sappy and tell my pals how much they rock. You guys are the best. Happy New Year!

   Some guy is yelling, "Man, I'm fu*kin' such an idiot!" I said, "That's poor grammar, you should say, "Man, I'm such a fu*kin' idiot." He goes, "Naw man, I mean I'm having sex with someone with an IQ of 25 or lower."

   I love the holidays. A time when people are supposed to be more nice and caring, actually become bigger a$$holes than they are the rest of the year.

   The biggest trick life plays on us, is the inability to fully appreciate something until it's gone. Except for broccoli.

   Newt Gingrich is the Republican front runner? I wouldn't bother getting those moving boxes just yet, Barack.

   I try to let women think I'm mysterious and not hard up....that's why I wait a good 45 seconds before I Poke someone back on facebook.

   Close mindedness is the most abject form of blindness.

   I've come to the realization that I have attained the pinnacle of middle aged complacency. My Friday nights are mostly spent with the remote in one hand, and my b***s in the other.

   A hooker approached me while she was eating a bag of Lays. I instinctively produced a bag of Wise and ran in the opposite direction.

   Anybody else go around clicking LIKE on all the hot chicks posts, no matter what stupid sh*t it is?

   They say pot is a Gateway drug. If I don't hurry up and smoke some, this POS Gateway computer is going out the window.

   Just finished a frenzied reciprocal poke session on facebook. I think my finger just came.

   The way I see it...if that Snooki character can be perceived as hot, we ALL have a shot at the same distorted perception.

   I made a donation to some guy who solicited me from the Occupy Movement. I mailed it to "Occupant".