Katana Funny Status Messages

   Two days ago Lance Armstrong had 7 more Tour De Frances than me. This has been quite a comeback from me.

   I feel bad for kids nowadays that see a cool new toy on tv that they want, but have no way of getting, because their parents have to be 18 or older to call.

   If you put a ";)"face in a text message, I automatically assume your dtf.

   Me: so doc, if I get this lung surgery, will I be able to do a backflip? Doc: yes, of course. Me: awesome, cuz I could never do that before.

   Make love, not war. Hell do both, get married.

   Dear mom and dad, please stop telling me not to play with my food. You spent 3 years making airplane noises with it.

   Student driver signs are like putting a dunce hat on your car.

   You obviously dont know me very well. I'm smiling, and your not running...

   Dont you hate when you open a bag of chips and its only 30% full? Thats how guys feel about push up bras.

   Theres no "I" in "team" but there are 5 in "individual brilliance."

   Your clothes are making me extremely uncomfortable. Please take them off.

   I love how the ninja turtles wear masks. Way to hide your identity, its not like your a giant turtle or anything.

   China: 1.2 billion people. 50 last names.

   My wife is leaving me because she says I'm a compulsive liar. I think she knows about me and Beyonce...

   I shouldn't have to work. People should just pay me for being awesome.

   standing outside with his pants down waiting for google earth to come take his picture.