K-Mac Funny Status Messages

   They might want to put a picture of that airplane on a milk carton.

   Been almost ten years single. A friend asked if I masturbated a lot. I said no, I don't want to get dust all over the place.

   I would like to thank all the people who let me know it was snowing today, like I'm some clueless idiot.

   Dammit! I tried, I really tried, but Monday still found me.

   I don't know what the big deal is about Cinco De Mayo, Heck my Grandma can beat the French

   I bet it's confusing for gays with walk-in closets. You're in, you're out, you're in, you're out.

   If I get a million likes on Facebook......not a damn thing will change.

   Inspecting mirrors is a job I could really see myself doing.

   They say if you have a fear of spiders you are more likely to find one in your bedroom..............I'm really afraid of Mila Kunis.

   BBC: North Korea's Kim Jong Un threatening nuclear attack against US. CNN: North Korea may be a nuclear threat. Fox News: Obama causing problems with North Korea

   I guess North Korea's illustrious leader is too stupid to realize if he launches an attack, North Korea will be wiped from the map.

   Does anyone out there realize that reality shows are scripted and are not really reality?

   I'm glad I don't work in an office. I can only imagine the smell at lunch time when everybody opens their egg salad sandwiches.

   Happy Single Guys Day everyone....................Palm Sunday.

   I think those who wear the sagging pants should start wearing skinny jeans. At least it would be entertaining watching them trying to walk.

   A friend said she was going to wash the gray right out of her hair. I said, "I wish I could do that, these days I pretty much just wash the hair out of my hair".

   Got my right hand a Valentines Day card. Had to sign it with my left hand so it will be a surprise.

   No I don't think Christopher Dormer feels like Jason Bourne.......he feels more like bacon.

   So the Pope walks into a bar........ because now he can.

   I believe the smoke coming out of that Vatican chimney while they decide on a pope is all of them smoking fatties til they can come to an agreement.