Hot Tea Funny Status Messages

   Gas is so cheap now that Porter Ranch is giving it away!

   My money is on Sacha Baron Cohen playing Dzhokhar Tsarnaev in the biopic.

   Instead of drinking beer today I'm drinking wine, because I have a cold and wine has vitamin C.

   It turns out Muse is more than Musicians United for Safe Energy. It's an okay band too!

   Not even a gun range has enough good guys with a gun to stop one bad guy with a gun!

   I'll start to believe video games cause people to be violent when I see someone get arrested for killing a pig by slingshotting a bird at it.

   Call me insensitive but I'm going ahead and declaring Art Modell's passing as the Browns first win this season. 1-0 baby!

   I don't know about you, but I can't wait to be ashamed about what I do this weekend.

   When you say Jesus backwards it sounds just like "sausage."

   FOUND: IPod Touch 4G, 32GB, white. Must be able to match the naked pics I found in the photos.

   I have a plan that will give us oil for hundreds of more years. Unfortunately, it hinges on the Earth being shaped like a tube of toothpaste.

   Romania's entire government has a complete collapse today and the #1 item on the news is some has-been country singer getting popped for being drunk.

   Jesus: "Spare the lives of the over 30,000 children due to die from starvation today or help Tebow log a symbolic 316 yards against the Steelers? Hmmm..."

   Please note that I have obtained Mad Swagger.

   pulled over by the cops and they asked me if I had been drinking. I asked, "Why, is there a fat girl in the back?" He said, "Nope, there's two." I said, "Well, I guess I have!"

   currently in the planning stages for a hangover.

   How's everyone holding up? It's crazy out there! I've killed, like, 15 zombies already! How come they are all holding candy?

   My boyfriend doesn't like bacon. I like him a lot, but I don't know how much longer we're going to last.

   as "Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract" (WINE), "Radioactive UnWORK Medicine"(RUM), "Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter"(BEER) or "Vaccine Official Depression Killing Antigen"(VODKA). Please re-post to raise awareness."

   A highly dangerous virus called "Weekly Overload Recreational Killer" (WORK) is currently going around. If you come in contact with this WORK virus, you should immediately go to the nearest "Biological Anxiety Relief" (BAR) center to take antidotes known