Dani Funny Status Messages

   Don't make me take my bra off.... Because without it.... you will see I have bigger balls than any guy out there!

   i went and refilled my prescription for my antidepressants... Because Happy Meals just don't seem to work for me!

   Lesson learned.... Don't walk into a car dealership's service department and say 'I was told I need two shots of lube in my rear end'.... Awkward!!!

   Yeah... I may be old... But I'm still hot..... They just come in flashes now!

   I'm thinking of going on an alcohol diet.... As I need to lose a few days!

   Ladies... When they say it's all downhill after 40... Just know.... They're talking about gravity!

   My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash... and it is gone!

   Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you!

   What do you call sex on a Greyhound bus? The 3 foot high club!

   Grandma learned that 50 Shades of Grey... was not a book about hair colour!

   You know you have an awesome bra... when you can do the entire 'Head and Shoulders, Knees and Toes' song.... with just a slight adjustment of the shoulder straps!

   If I ever had enough money... I would start up my own towing company... and call it "Camel Towing"!

   I don't do drugs. I can get the same effect just standing up fast!

   Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. So if you see him without an erection... make him a sandwich!

   It is so nice that so many people have learned the golden rule "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all". The unfortunate part is... no one talks to anyone anymore!

   I think less people would tempted to use an "Out of Order" Toilet... if the sign actually read... "Ain't Takin' NO Sh*t"!

   My hubby is on suicide watch ... All because I reminded him that we vowed to be together 'Til Death do us part'!

   If you ever need anything... call someone else first. If they aren't able to help you... then try calling someone else!

   Watch what you say to me today... because it will be recorded and played back for you tomorrow!

   What makes you laugh... might surely make someone else laugh. And with laughter... comes smiles... and with smiles... comes happiness! It can be that simple!