Cory Funny Status Messages

   Why is it that every time I see a Ford, it's lifted? Well the answer is simple. When a man gets out of his Ford, he doesn't want to get his dress dirty...

   Today is national bring your flask to work day. I just made it up. Tell the others...

   Facebook should have a limit on how many selfies you can post in a day...

   Question of the day: If somebody threw a rock and knocked you off your donkey would be considered stoned of your a$$?

   Actions speak louder than Facebook posts...

   Hands down best Budweiser commercial ever. God bless our troops!

   Let me just flip this here omelette.... aaaaaand I'm having scrambled eegs

   Rock bottom hangover: I ordered pizza just to get soda delivered

   Last time I checked, Chick-fil-A is still sellin chicken and I'm sure Phil Robertson will keep spreadin gods good word and shooting ducks.

   Whenever I'm boarding a plane, I have to constantly fight the urge to yell out "It's OK, I'm a limo driver!" and then sprint down the tunnell.

   R.I.P Brian Griffin. Family GUy won'y be the same without you...

   I gotta stop saying "How stupid can you be?" I'm beginning to feel like people are taking it as a challenge.

   Life isn't like a box of chocolate. It's more like a jar of jalapeños. What you do today might burn your a$$ tomorrow..

   Don't die a virgin. Terrorist are up there waiting for you...

   Dating is a lot like fishin'. Sometimes catch and release is the best method.

   I think the #1 phrase that is guaranteed to make people argue is "what do you want to eat?"

   Sometimes I wonder what I'm doing with my life. Where I'm going, if I'll fall in love, what I want in life... Then I pull up my pants and flush the toilet.

   It's Friday! The only two who aren't excited about that are my bank account and my liver.

   My car broke down outside Pizza Hut last night. So I ordered a pizza to be delivered to my house and got a lift from the driver.

   Only thing good about "good morning" is the breakfast tacos