Brafty Crastard Funny Status Messages

   Officer: anything you say will be held against you. Me: Big T!ts!

   I don't make typos, I make new words.

   You know it's time to do laundry when you dry off with a sneaker.

   What did the little black kid get for Christmas? My bike :(

   Refuses to add his co workers on Facebook, I don't want them to see all the sh!t I talk about them on there.

   Go to your profile, look to the right. Now annoy those 8 friends by tagging them in a stupid post about the zombie apoclyspe, or bank robbery, and let them know you have no life.

   You know it's time to wash your wank sock when you drop it and it sounds like plates dropping.

   On the 4th day of rioting my tru love gave to me, 3 Nike trainers, two ps3's, and a samsung HDTV !

   Sorry I'm not rioting, my tracksuit is in the wash.

   Just once I would like to see a liars pants actually catch on fire

   Facebook should have a who cares button.

   What are the three fastest forms of communication? Television, telephone, tellawoman.

   Your phone has more computing power now then all of NASA had in 1969. They launched a man into space, we launched angry birds into pigs.

   Say "eye" then spell "map" and then say "ness". :P

   You know your drunk when you get home from the bar, then grab and throw your hamster yelling "go pikachu!"

   I went to a "family style" restaurant, they yelled at me the whole time.

   My girlfriend is a porn star, she's going to be so pissed when she finds out.

   I went to the store today to buy a bag of air. To my surprise there were a couple doritos in it.

   Life is like soup, only the hot ones get blown.

   Just scratched 2+2=5 on the back bumper of a smart car.