Abraham lincoln Funny Status Messages

   Marys dragging me to some play tonight #bored #killme

   Funny how when I see someone from High School I suddenly hve a great job and am trying to stick a key in a car I in the parking lot that I could never afford!

   The Mars Rover reports there are only 167 Starbucks on Mars!

   I married my wife for her looks........just not the ones she's been giving me lately!

   How many divorced men does it atke to change a light bulb?......No one knows they never keep the house!

   I don't know what hurts my wrist more, playing volleyball or watching women's volleyball!

   It's funny how the Chinese are competing to win back medals they probably made a month ago!

   Olympian's earn their medals every 4yrs........In Afghanistan our servicemen earn their medals every day!!!

   I walked into the Dentist's office and he asked me what the problem was and I said ''Doc, I think I'm a Giant Moth!'' He said ''You need a Psychiatrist not a Dentist, why did you come in here?'' I told him ''The light was on!!!''

   No matter how old you are an empty Christmas wrapping tube is still a Sword!

   I haven't spoken to my wife in 3days because she hates when I interupt her!

   This is a list of people who asked for your opinion.................

   If I didn't have internet I'd be asleep 4hrs earlier every night!

   The first person that started hiccuping must have been scared to death!

   If you don't want a Sarcastic answer don't ask a Stupid Question!

   Remember when you were younger that old guy at the pool that swam laps and yelled at all the kids to get off the ropes!!!

   I just bought a television! It's amazing the price difference between a 47 inch T.V. and a 50 inch T.V. is a couple hundred dollars! In real life for an extra 3 inches I would pay thousands!!!

   Saying ''Oh Yeah, I remember!'' when you have no idea what their talking about!

   I've been Nominted for Facebooks New Award, Most Funny/Best Posts in 2012!.......In other news I lost my job, my wife, car, and all contact with the outside World!!!

   Went for a jog tonight and saw a payphone and I was like ''WTF is that!!!''