Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   SEX It may have only 3 letters but it can have as many characters as you like.

   My girlfriend asked me what I would do if she were to die. I told her I'd probably do 25 to life.

   Making someone shudder means you're either doing something very wrong or very right.

   Why do people feel comfortable texting you things they would never have the guts to say to your face?

   Seismologists have confirmed the cause of the quake in DC today was the Founding Fathers rolling over in their graves!

   Women may be the only thing that are easier to pick up as they get heavier.

   You can't really blame Noah for not knowing the two unicorns were gay.

   “You ask.” “No, you ask!” “Will you please ask?” “Why can't you ask?” “Fine… Hey my FRIEND wants to ask you something!”

   I think “Recession” is when your neighbor loses his job. “Depression” is when you lose yours. And “Recovery” is when Obama loses his.

   Ever noticed that things are so much funnier when you're not supposed to laugh and you know it's so wrong to?!

   A slut is simply a woman with the morals of a man.

   When I ask my deaf girlfriend to have sex, I make her tug my pen!s once for "yes" and 50 times for "no"

   Beware: Things get pretty messy when you let a Snickers REALLY satisfy you.

   I had sex with an ohmless person last night. There was very little resistance. (most of you will be too dumb to get this)

   If you get any dumber, you might wanna put your helmet on.

   Life is what you make it! I made it into a bottle of booze and chugged the whole bottle in one sitting and then threw the bottle at a tree.

   You've really got to hand it to short people. Because they often can't reach it.

   It's only insulting when you don't have a sense of humor.

   This Jack Daniels tastes a little bit like I'm not going to work tomorrow.

   A woman walks up to the golf pro at her country club and complains that something must be done about the bees on the course. "Where did you get stung?" he asks. "Between the first and second holes," she says. "Well then, your stance is too wide."