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If the 2nd only covers muskets and cannons, then healthcare only covers band aids and tylenol. Libera@1 logic at its best. 
They put up signs on my street for "Slow Children." I knew these kids were stupid but damn, do they really need to advertise it????
I want to open a donut shop and call it Hole Foods.
I remember how it felt so good to turn my lights out for Earth Hour... On hindsight, I probably shouldn't have been driving at the time.
Life before the internet was awful. Your friend would be wrong about a trivial issue during dinner and you just had to let it go
Rump roast is called rump roast because nobody would eat it if it was called cow's ass
I went to Disneyland but I don't remember it. I think somebody slipped me a Mickey at the snack bar.
"Jesus loves you" is a nice thing to hear in church. But not in prison.
When OJ gets out, he going to kill it on Tinder.
I just want to read, have a snack, then take a nap. Basically, I just want to be in kindergarten again.
Politicians are people who have too little an amount of morals and ethics to remain lawyers.
I'm patiently awaiting a Chris Cornell/Chester Bennington mashup.
I like to read magazines about parenting. That way, I can learn all the things my parents did wrong and I can go back to them and say "See? This is the reason I am like I am."
Why couldn't Eve have just made Adam a sammich like other women?
My train of thought is usually all loco and no motive.
If you mean Elmer Fudd singing "Kill the Wabbit" then, yes, I do like opera.
I used to be a male trapped inside a female's body. But then I was born and everything was OK.
[at restaurant] Wife: I'm having an affair. Husband: *handing menu back to waiter* I'll have the affair as well.
OJ said he has lived a conflict free life. Unless, he thinks you are or our have his property. Then watch out. Things get crazy.
"O.J. , if granted parole where would you live...?" "Well, I'd like to take a stab at Florida......!!" 