Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   It definitely takes a lot of courage to stand up to your enemies but it takes a whole lot more to stand up to your friends...or to yourself.

   Don't you hate it when people talk sh!t on Facebook? Internet Gangsters

   Hurricane Irene threatens the East Coast of USA. If MTV won't cancel Jersey Shore, God will.

   Why do people at a busy bar never know what they want to drink when the bartender gets to them? I've known since yesterday.

   Everyone who likes me is awesome and brilliant and everyone who doesn't is a selfish jerk. Weird.

   Has never seen ONE person look cool while waving at the camera in the background of a live news report.... especially on College GAMEDAY.

   I have learned one thing since joining Facebook... I'm not nearly as messed up as I thought I was.

   If they would have had Facebook when I was in college, I would still be in college.

   It's sad this past week's earthquake is the most movement we have seen coming from Congress in sometime now.

   It's not that I hate mornings. It's just that I'd wish they'd happen without me.

   I absolutely HATE when people put song lyrics as their status! It makes me wanna SHOUT! Kick my heels back and SHOUT! Throw my arms up and SHOUT! Throw my head back and SHOUT!

   I am very much an acquired taste. If you don't like me, I suggest you acquire some taste.

   Beer goggles are a myth. Alcohol doesn't make ugly girls look prettier. It just makes you not care that they are ugly.

   My girlfriend asked me for another word for incorrect. Of course, my answer was wrong.

   Jesus paid for our sins... now let's get our money's worth!

   Any questions asked while I am counting out scoops of coffee will be answered with louder counting.

   I offered a bum a ride this morning but she refused to get in the trunk. You just can't help some people.

   If a lesbian c@ckblocks another lesbian, would it then be considered a beaver dam?

   I may be a 32 year OLD man with a slight belly in just a dirty white T-shirt and Hanes boxer briefs, but when I'm on my patio having a smoke I pose like I'm in Calvin Klein Photo Shoot.

   If a lesbian c0ckblocks another lesbian, would it then be considered a beaver dam?