jitney Funny Status Messages

   I just miss being able to slam it down when upset with someone. ..so they could hear it slam.

   I failed my driver's test. For the question "What do you do at a Red Light?" I said "Texts and check Facebookk."

   They told me women likes edible undies, So far the only thing I've attracted with these edible undies is ants.....

   I wish you could Google anything. Liikke, "Where the F you ck is my phone?" and it would be lliikke, "It's under the couch dumbass......lol good night peeps!!!!!

   Thinking about kicking her out my Cheaters Elite club! I only deal with ppl who can find the answers for quizes fast! Not slow ppl who needs me to show them how Google came up with the answers..

   Birds born in a cage thinks flying is an illness!

   I'm a leader not a follower! Unless its a dark place, then F that, you're going first!

   I dance a little in my chair while I'm eating one of my fave meals..... Don't judge me -_-

   ***BREAKING*** Jodi Arias found GUILTY of 1st Degree Murder, Now lets find them 3 kidnapping brothers guilty too!

   If you are speaking sign language but you have parkinsons, is that considered stuttering?

   Vagiinas are like the weather if its raining and wet, Its time to go inside!

   Monday is like a math problem. Add irritation, subtract sleep, multiply problems & divide happiness. I hate Mondays!

   "Trust Me When I say Anyone can DANCE!!!!!" - Jack Daniels

   I dont know what my future holds, but I know who holds my future....

   WE WAS SO BROKE GROWING UP MY MOM USE TO KNOCK MY TEETH OUT JUST SO THE TOOTH FAIRY COULD BRING US SOME MONEY

   I hate it when me and my subconscious is having a heated debate...and just when I come up with good comebacks, it thinks up a even better one! I thought about drinking on Friday, subconscious said "how about now!".... good one!

   Just cuz, I likkes one of your Pictures doesnt mean to come and inbox me stuppid assss questions like, "where are you these days?" , "Duh bitcch, on FB!!!"

   These days alot of celebrities are getting divorces. Micheal Jordan just got married, I wonder when the new Air Divorces are comming out?

   News media should report more about professional NBA/NFL cheerleaders that comes out and says their lesbian or gay.....

   Its trash pick up day tomorrow and my dumb neighbor forgot to take out my mother-n-law!!!! Now i've gotta dump trash all over his yard again!