Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   I love everybody. Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid, and some I'd love to punch in the face!

   Some people call me a smart ass, I say I'm just smart with a good ass answer.

   Somewhere in the hood somebody mama is using they child's name to keep the house phone on.

   Are you really worried that much about your internet history in the afterlife? Everyone knows you masturbate to porn, don't worry. No one needs to clear it when you die.

   It's going to take a lot more than a few “LIKES” on my Facebook page to make me forget what an ass you were in high school.

   Can we have a moment of silence for those unfortunate souls who have never smoked weed...

   If you have to question whether or not your behavior is acceptable - it's probably not.... and we should definitely hang out.

   "When all is said and done" It will be really quiet.

   Sorry, I'm not yawning because what you're saying is "boring." I'm merely stretching my mouth before I excercise it when I say "SHUT THE F*** UP!"

   Virgin: Deeper Hooker: Harder Wife: mmm grey would be a nice color for the ceiling

   Idiot friend : man the economy sucks there no jobs anywhere. ME : I'll give you a job, can you start tomorrow? Idiot friend : man I wish I could but I'm busy all day. Me: so how is Gears of War 3? Idiot friend : Fricking awesome man.

   Ladies, Don't ever tell your man that you don't mind if he looks at other women. He'll remember that sh!t better than his social security number.

   I hope men who treat women like sh!t have figured out how to suck their own tiny c0cks.

   "I'm extremely popular on Facebook" - Guy sitting alone at the bar

   It's the beginning of the drinken! (thirsty Thursday, effed up Friday, sh!tfaced Saturday, sure why not it's Sunday,) maybe Monday, try not Tuesday and WTF I already drank all week Wednesday. Repeat.

   I would like to make a Facebook page called "Deez Nuts," just to see how many people LIKE Deez Nuts...

   If you lick your sandwich in front of me so I won't steal it when you walk off, I will lick the other side.

   Ladies, I'd like to remind you that trying to play "hard to get" doesn't work when you're already "hard to want."

   My phone auto-corrected "haha" to "hahahaha" -- um, yea it was funny, but let's keep our pants on.

   Can't believe the Obama 2012 campaign isn't using the slogan "Once you go black, you don't go back." - some hooker