Dylan Bosch Funny Status Messages

   Women ask for advice on what to wear and then end up wearing the exact opposite.. that's why I think Snow Pants and Leather Jackets are sexy as hell on them."

   never shout out "Fruit Cake" at a gay wedding. You never know who your gonna offend."

   EPIC FAIL: Ripping the easy-open tab right off the last can of chef boyardee ravioli and not having a can opener to back it up."

   "I Hate or Can't Stand Drama" is translation for "I'm gonna be the first one to cause all the Drama Tonight, just thought I would give you the heads up!"

   found out softcore porn isn't like real sex, it doesn't fade out to a candle, waterfall or something lame like that."

   Nothing pisses me off like a bird WALKING across a street. No it's cool. I'll wait. BTW You can FLY dumbass!

   The Klondike Bar found out what I did for it, and now it's blackmailing me."

   Restaurants, please stop trying to get clever with your restroom signs. I have a very small bladder."

   Dear people in the apartment beneath me: banging on your ceiling doesn't make me want to finish any sooner. It actually makes me want to leave the vacuum on indefinitely....and I think I'll go take a shower now, too."

   Nobody goes to that Bar anymore. It's too crowded... wait, what, nevermind, let's go!"

   Alright! Drunk me from last night made hungover me some epic sandwiches for lunch today. Man, I love that guy!" :)

   Never hold your farts in. They go up your Spine then into your mind and that's where you're shi*ty idea's come from!"

   A Brunette, A Blonde and a Man with Dandruff walk out of an Elevator, The Brunette says to the Blonde "Someone need's to give that guy some Head & Shoulders!" the Blonde asks "How do you give Shoulders?"

   still wants to know if everybody's still attending my Huge Orgy Party held on December 21, 2012 at my place?"

   does anyone still miss the old facebook?.. yeah that's what I thought, sell-outs."

   You know I like my status updates like I like my mini skirts. Long enough to cover the important parts but short enough to keep things interesting."

   do you know why kids think I'm Cool?.. Because I was raised to talk and think like a 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle' that's why."

   I remember when I was younger "Friday the 13th" used to make think about Jason movies. Now all I can think about is "Do the bars have any specials today?"

   Brett Favre retired today, I'm not Worried about it too much. It's kinda like when Snoop Dog quit's weed. It really means nothing."

   I'm a cool dad, that's my thang. I'm hip, I surf the web, I text. LOL: laugh out loud, OMG: oh my god, WTF: why the face