Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   You always know when you come across a ghetto b!tch. They don't have inside voices. They only have "I wanna make sure everyone f*cking hears this" voices.

   For the sake of equality, I'm making snowboobs instead of snowballs this year.

   You dadburn dumb city folk, ye ain't spose to git' all nervous like when yee hear banjers....... It's when ye don'ts hear 'em is when weez a slipp'in up on ye..... Yeeeea doggy!

   Santa wants to know if you have been naughty or nice this year... And if you were naughty, did you video it???

   Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Give a man your fist and he'll sit uncomfortably for a lifetime.

   The road to happiness begins with a nap. It pretty much ends there too.

   I wish I knew Spanish so I could understand the voices in my head.

   Some of you are absolute retards who need to get out of those little minds of yours.

   People who live in glass houses, shouldn't be allowed to be ugly.

   Bank robbers give a bad name to people who just want to deposit their check with a mask on, like me.

   On the count of 3. Okay you ready everyone? ONE. TWO. THREE!!! Go f*ck yourself.

   Unless you woke up inside a live shark, I don't want to hear about your weekend.

   Wanna have some fun? Put a stethoscope around your neck, walk into a hospital waiting room and say "I have very bad news for one of you... I'll be back." Then walk out.

   My friends are all putting pictures of their kids on their Christmas cards. I dont have kids so I might put a picture of money on mine.

   Everyone is breaking up... Which means christmas is almost here!

   Just unlocked level 315 on not giving a f*ck.

   Backwards is overrated. I want a girl who'll bend over frontwards for me.

   I believe in forgiveness. If someone hurt the ones I love... I'd probably kill that motherf*cker. But I'd forgive myself REALLY quick.

   My girlfriend asked me if I love Facebook more than I love her... I said, "I'm sorry, but I don't talk to people who don't like my statuses."

   My girlfriend's always helping me to keep fit. Every time she mentions marriage, I run a f*cking mile.