hihuggiehi Funny Status Messages

   I'm going to switch my car insurance from Geico to Allstate, then to Statefarm, then back to Geico. If my calculations are correct, they should owe me $837.

   The doctor said I may have a strained abdominal muscle which is cool because that means I have an abdominal muscle

   When the car in front of me is driving slow, I move to the side a bit so the cars behind me can see I'm not causing the traffic.

   Occasionally, I like to go to walmart, buy a jar of Vaseline, a cucumber and a Bottle of Gin and wink at the cashier

   If sober me won't do it...drunk me will.

   Got an e-mail today from a "bored housewife 34, looking for some action!", so I sent her my ironing, that'll keep her busy.

   You would think these "self checkout" lanes at walmart would have a curtain or something....this is embarassing :-[

   I'd like to be so rich I forgot what country I left my private jet at after a crazy weekend

   it sad that the plans I make after work depend on how much charge I have left in my phone battery?

   I just gave the guy who called with the wrong number and woke up my newborn the Liam Niesen speech from Taken.

   I can't believe our parents used to have to sit & wait for someone to develop their film before they could show off pictures of their food.

   I never run with scissors. (those last two words were unnecessary.)

   When you were a kid there was nothing more satisfying as when you made the honking signal to the truck driver and he honked back

   Life has no remote. Get up and change it yourself

   Only dead fish swim with the stream.

   When I leave a store without buying anything all I can think is “act natural, you're innocent”.

   I had to take back my OJ Simpson Halloween costume because the glove didn't fit.

   Kids these days are spoiled. Ipads, smart phones, video games, etc. But they'll never know the joy of putting an Ozzy Osborne cassette tape in a Teddy Ruxpin

   Some lady just told me that she was terrible at math and that she flunked "algeber". I'm sure she excelled in English class though.

   WARNING: "There's no wrong way to eat a Reese's" is apparently not a valid defense for Indecent Exposure.