SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   Poodles aren't as absorbent as they look.

   I don't care how healthy you say it is, a shot of wheatgrass is what giving Swamp Thing a bl*wjob would taste like.

   You know how we smack your household appliances when they're malfunctioning and it makes them work? I wish you could do that with people.

   The NFL post game show is the male version of The View.

   "Surprise, surprise, surprise!" - Gomer Pyle, World's Worst Ninja

   I hate people who speak for other people, and so do you.

   What are you doing here? Was there a jailbreak at the zoo?

   Some people just need a high five. In the face. With a chair.

   No matter what it is I'm doing, there's always about an 85% chance I'm supposed to be doing something else.

   I feel like if I'm ever arrested by a sexy female cop I owe it to both of us to resist a little bit.

   Freud said "Love & work are the cornerstones of our humaness." I say it's love and that show "Pawn Stars".

   When a girl says, "Whatever you want, I don't care," she means, "Pick something that I want or I will cut you."

   I can honestly say LinkedIn is the sh!ttiest dating site I have ever signed up for. All anyone ever wants to talk about is work.

   Yawning is your body's way of saying 20% of battery remaining.

   You know what my problem is? People telling me what my problem is.

   Everybody says waking up at 5 in the morning to exercise makes you feel great but I think lying in bed for another 2 hours feels better

   There would be a lot less entering of "Do not enter" areas if they didn't have a "Do not enter" sign.

   The word "lulz" hurts my eyes. Please make it stop.

   Having trouble with your iPhone saying “No Service”? Just put your shirt and shoes back on.

   Saying “oh!” like you get it. But you still have no idea.