SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   I'm a very persuasive person. I can convince myself of anything.

   EGSG «—- Scrambled eggs.

   I'm A Smart Person….I just do stupid things.

   Some watch football for the game. Some watch it so the commercials will let them know what questions to ask their doctor.

   I say they give all politicains the Federal minimum wage of $7.25 an hour....See how fast things change then!!!!

   WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

   I still don't know why they call it Virgin Atlantic. My plane was full of skanks who wouldn't take no for an answer!

   Congrats on ur Bar Mitzvah. Today you r a man, which you'll now illustrate by going apes*** over presents.

   Got held up at customs again. Think it might be because of my rock look.

   Help keep America beautiful. Stay in your house today.

   I don't drink to forget, I… what was I saying?

   I like to keep bartenders on their toes by making up drinks on the spot. "Yeah, I'll take a Dirty Hammock."

   When buying a flat screen tv, always remember to put the box in your neighbor's trash so you don't get robbed.

   RAIN!!!! :) I guess my rain dances must have worked. Some people call it stumbling around... I call it rain dancing.

   Well if you have no intention of getting married, Reverend, it's not really Pre-Marital sex, is it?

   A "single serving" is as much as I decide to eat in one sitting and I dare you to tell me otherwise.

   A new book claims Sarah Palin had sex with NBA star Glen Rice. That's where she got the phrase, “Drill, Baby, Drill.”

   It takes more muscles to frown than to smile. Which proves that happy people are really f***ing lazy.

   Want people to pay more attention to you? Carry a giant axe.

   How many terrible mistakes can you make before you're officially a bad person? It's like 70, right?