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Search Messages:
not gaining weight, he's retaining food! 
browsing tube8.com... Haha! I know you will open it.
watching the news and cannot figure out what the big deal is with Gay marriages & Gay Weddings. Flowers, classical music, people dancing to the Village People and Sister Sledge. Aren't all weddings Gay?
went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
secretly transformed himself into this status message an is now having sex with your eyes. You are smiling, you must like it. ;)
a date with 2 Girls from 1 Cup
running around robbing banks all wacked on the scooby snacks..!!
When I was a kid I used to trick the tooth fairy with kidney stones
Something you never hear in the news: "200 killed today when Atheist rebels took heavy shelling from the Agnostic stronghold in the North."
Shouldn't the fortune in every fortune cookie be "You are about to eat a stale cookie?"
text from a female: "Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless."
Tough decisions... Beat off in the shower and waste water or use Kleenex and add to landfill? What can I say? I love Mother Earth and big titties
The best part of you ran down your mothers leg
found Nemo. (Reminder: you have to hold the handle until it's done flushing...)
Resembles the resemblance of reality.
having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not hanging around with Damon The Infidel
going to drink wet cement and get really stoned.
never killed a man that didn't need killing.
When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving.
A much wittier reply came to mind immediately after I clicked the 'Share' button. 