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away for the next 20 mins. Am watching widescreen porn so need to minimise Facebook 
says a dog is truly mans best friend. Lock the Mrs and the dog in the boot of the car for an hour on a hot day, which one is pleased to see you?
has just typed Smirnoff into his phone using predictive text and is now very worried
wondering what happened to the California Raisins? Did they break up? Did they settle down and have any little Grapes?
..wonders what life was like before Facebook. Oh yeah. MySpace.
that if SHE ruled the world, the first thing she would do is get rid of those annoying adverts that sing about it!
"If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits eighty-eight miles per hour... you're gonna see some serious...
Last night I dreamt that I died and went to heaven... but nobody spoke english!!
feeling a few fries short of a happy meal today. . .
knows your jealous because the voices are talking to him and not you.
smile and the world smiles with you, fart and you're on your own.
wanted to burn some calories today, so I set fire to a fat kid.
Whoever says Paper beats Rock is an idiot. Next time I see someone say that I will throw a rock at them while they hold up a sheet of paper
in the Smokin' Section lookin' for the hot women. Such a deceiving sign, there's none here
likes romantic dinners, long walks on the beach and poking dead things with sticks..
just discovered tha ketchup is hydrophobic! (^3^)
a few volts past electrifying.
in a minute, gettin' is gonna be done got - got!
It Hurts When I Pee
..60% of the time...it works everytime. 