Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   You have become a mature person when keeping a secret gives you more satisfaction than passing it along.

   didn't attend the funeral, but she sent a nice letter saying she approved of it.

   Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian.

   I wanted to write something about DJ AM but some people said it was too early, so i'm gonna wait 'till noon.

   real friends stab you in the front.

   gonna go on a date tonight but his Farmville eggplant were supposed to be ready so he had to cancel.

   just read an article on the internet about the consequences of heavy drinking-- not gonna lie it scared the crap outta X.. So X decided that after today.. X is going to stop reading.

   if someone at your church tells you that you have a servant's heart......you're about to start stackin' chairs.

   thinks you should always follow your dreams.........well, except maybe not the one when I'm wondering around naked at work.

   A. Drunk B. Sober C. High D. All of the above

   ..muscles needed to make your face frown when someone is a moron to you-42. Muscles needed to extend arm and slap said person-4. You do the math...

   says it's debatable that Senator Kennedy was a good Senator, but we can all agree he was not the best choice for a ride home after a party.

   thinks Dennis Leary said it best...."Ted Kennedy, great Senator, but a bad date!"

   Welcome to Utah - Set your watch back 20 years.

   Once you have seen a woman naked... You pretty much want to see the rest of then naked.

   Treat everyone like a stressed dog. piss on it and walk off

   here, reminding all of you, obey gravity, it's the law.

   off to (insert supermarket) to throw the biggest temper tantrum

   if I had to comment your status with "What happened?" and you reply "I don't even want to talk about it...", do you think maybe you should have kept it to yourself?

   hates it when you ask someone "How was your day?" and all they say is "good, and yours?" Thank you for summing up your day with just one word. Way to be detailed.