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I could never bring myself to kill....however, I do have a list of some pretty sweet hiding spots. 
The most stunning thing about Obama's nuclear announcement was that we have a President who can pronounce "nuclear."
Ricky Martin has answered the question, "Are you gay?". But for many, another question remains: "Who's Ricky Martin?"
I wonder if the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks by claiming all his appendages were "elephant-sized".....
Sarah Palin probably thinks Obama's drilling plan doesn't go far enough in terms of wrecking the environment.
Just ONE Saturday night I'd like to go without drunk-dialing Barbara Walters.
According to Apple, 300,000 people did not have sex this weekend.
If aliens landed & saw Glenn Beck, they'd be like, "Oh, he has a show here too?"
It's is time for a Facebook Friend Trust Test...Stand up and fall back and I will catch you. By the way, the Facebook Trust Test will be immediate be followed by the Facebook Moron Test.
My parents were very patriotic disciplinarians: they laid stripes and I saw stars.
In soviet russia zombie dont infect you, you infect zombie!
survey: Would you rather be a ginormous hampster or a tiny rhinocerous?
Good - Ah - Good - Ah Ah - Good - Ah Ah Ah Choo - night Facebook (sorry for the mess I just sneeszed on you...)
Scientists say because of global warming, they expect the world's oceans to rise four and a half feet. The scientists say this can mean only one thing: 3/5's of the cast of Little People Big World is going to drown.
picking all the W's out of their M & M's, gosh, there's just so many! :/
To all the single mothers out there.......KEEP YA HEAD UP, cuz ain't no man worth your time down there....
If you're not living on the edge you're taking too much space
Dishes done....check.....laundry folded....check.....kids in bed.....check. And my wife says I am emasculated! Maybe I should look it up in the dictionary to see what it really means....
"Women are made to be loved, not understood." - Oscar Wilde
would like to thank Facebook for reacquainting me not just with old friends but also with people I never liked much in the past and for reminding me why in the present. 