paulb808 Funny Status Messages

   so turns out you CAN use lemon juice to get goats blood off of the curtains

   My Dad is taking ownership of my phone for a day so if you could refrain from sending me texts like "F&ck me gently with a chainsaw"(2:30am) then that would be fantastic

   Lady in labor, shouting the usual sh!t, “Get this out of me! Give me the drugs!” She turns to her boyfriend and says, “You did this to me, you f&cker!” He casually replies, “If you remember, I wanted to stick it up your a$$, but you said, ‘f&c

   There's this new gay Asian (Gaysain?) guy at work who has a crush on me. I got his Fb friend request while he was sitting next to me. I had to accept it right? Right?

   If I had a nickel for every time I ignored your Facebook request I'd have enough to buy a real farm.

   accidentally turned off his facebook anti crap filter and was scared by the amount of quizzes, farm, fairyland, mafia and virtual f&cking cupcake crap you people post, if it wasn't for facebook purity I would delete alot of you

   Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

   facebook – Never letting you forget any of the douchebags you've fuct

   My Craigslist hooker turned out to be a man. It has been over an hour and he won't take a hint to leave. He can keep my 200 bucks. This was a poor idea.

   I accidentally said “LOL” today. I think I deserve to be shot.

   getting to the point where he has to choose between Facebook and having a degree

   Just saw a girl in a plain push wheelchair holding on to her guy's motorized wheelchair and rolling behind him. Dude, she's using you.

   wonders if it's ironic that I have facebook open in another tab.....you do to dont you

   How come a “drunk” girl on my facebook is able to enter her username and password correctly but when it comes to writing a status she types “90]]]]]]]]]POSPASFD@#”

   I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot

   My girlfriend has a weird fetish, she likes to dress up like herself and act like a b!tch every night.

   I am Nigerian Prince. If you click “like” I send you 17 Billion Dollars. I am very genuinelyness

   Aw sh!t…im the only black person in my african studies class. This could be awkward…

   When gays hack into their gay mate's facebook accounts, do they change the status to, “I'M STRAIGHT AND I LOVE EATING PU$$Y!”?

   You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.