g0re Funny Status Messages

   life is too ironic to understand. It takes sadness to know what happiness is, Noise to appreciate silence, and absence to value presence.

   Her: What did you buy me for my birthday? Him: You see that pink Mercedes over there? Her: Yessss??? Him: Well I brought you a toothbrush the same color.

   Daughter: Dad I'm a lesbian Dad: ok it's cool.. Second daughter: I'm also a lesbian Dad: Christ! Doesn't anyone in this family love c0ck? Son: I do!

   I'm not saying we should kill all the stupid people in the world, I'm just saying we should remove the warning labels from everything and let the problem take care of itself.

   Every girl has a unique "mean glare" they do when they're ticked off. Nearly every guy on the other hand, all have the same "are you kidding me?" emotionless expression when they're angry

   Laughter is a wonderful sound. It cheers you up, it holds you up, and makes you believe that a simple sound can make unwelcome emotions disappear

   There's always a little truth behind every 'jk,' a little knowledge behind every 'idk,' a little emotion behind every 'idc,' and a little pain behind every 'it's OK.

   "Explain __ in your own words." Ok, ahdjej ejeodokm eiaian eushna fuueoa,

   When you were little it was "Stop, look, and listen before you cross the street." As you get older it's more like "I'm crossing the street now. If you hit me I will sue you."

   It makes sense that animals pee on something to mark their territory. I mean if someone peed on something, most people would be like, "Eww, okay. That's yours now."

   Nemo is such a badass. He was the first one of his friends to touch a butt

   The guy who stands in the entrance of Walmart and says "Welcome to Walmart" must say it so many times, he probably wakes up at night yelling it.

   Letters start with A-B-C. Numbers start with 1-2-3. Music starts with Do-Re-Mi. And love starts with You-And-Me

   It's amazing the things you'll do while procrastinating; it's almost anti-procrastination. It's like "Well, I just re-read all 7 Harry Potter books, learned fluent German and mastered the ability of knife throwing... But I still didn't start that essay",

   Sir Dentist, my gums are bleeding because you're trying to saw them in half with a piece of floss, not because I don't take care of them

   Doctor: "I have some bad news and some good news." Patient: "Give me the good news first." Doctor: "They're going to name a disease after you."

   Don't you wish you could just google anything? Like "where's the remote?" google:"under the couch",

   You know those nights when you just can't fall asleep? Maybe it's because you're awake in someone else's dream.

   "You're tall. Do you play basketball?" "You're short. Do you run under tables and kick people's shins?"

   When you have a bad injury, and someone asks you if it hurt, saying "No it didn't hurt. It felt amazing; like two rainbows having sex" is a perfectly acceptable answer.