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Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages
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Page: 58 of 134
Why WOULDN'T you wear a condom when they got that sh!t called "Kids" goin around?
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04-16-2012 21:30 by
Marshall the Great
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Girls who are shaped like hot pockets have no business taking full body pictures.
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04-16-2012 21:28 by
Marshall the Great
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"You break it, you buy it"... Uh, hell no. I break it, I leave it, and awkwardly walk out...
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04-16-2012 21:20 by
Marshall the Great
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Don't you hate when people call your name 20 times..... Then end up saying "NEVERMIND"? Nah, you gonna tell me SOMEthing.
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04-16-2012 21:02 by
Marshall the Great
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It's stupid when someone texts you first and they never reply after you text them back.
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04-16-2012 20:57 by
Marshall the Great
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F*ck what you heard, f*ck the b!tch you heard it from, f*ck what you think, and f*ck what you saw, and recognize what the f*ck you see.
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04-16-2012 20:53 by
Marshall the Great
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Girlfriends are like The History Channel. They always bring up old sh!t.
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04-16-2012 20:44 by
Marshall the Great
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Haters can only hate the things they can't have and the people they can't be.
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04-16-2012 19:08 by
Marshall the Great
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Some rude idiot just interrupted my afternoon nap by honking his horn just because the light turned green.
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04-16-2012 19:04 by
Marshall the Great
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I'm sick and tired of the games requests on Facebook. If it doesn't stop Imma be forced to play Facebook's Version of "My foot in ya ass."
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04-16-2012 18:59 by
Marshall the Great
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If I am arguing with someone and they say "READ MY LIPS" I slap them in the mouth and tell them my vision is bad so I need large print.
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04-16-2012 18:44 by
Marshall the Great
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I went to the blockbuster store... and saw a caveman sitting in the corner trying to make fire by rubbing two VHS tapes together.
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04-16-2012 18:41 by
Marshall the Great
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My friend said she thought it was so cute how me and my girlfriend always hold hands. I didn't have the heart to tell her that it's because if I let go she goes shopping.
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04-16-2012 18:36 by
Marshall the Great
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My neighbor and I saw a shooting star last night... so we each made wish. Sadly his house burned down, but my wish come true! :)
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04-16-2012 18:34 by
Marshall the Great
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I sleep fully clothed for a week after a woman tells me... "Everything's going to be OK."
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04-16-2012 18:26 by
Marshall the Great
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I bought a Dale Earnhart GPS on eBay but it just keeps telling me to turn left. I swear it is starting to drive me up the walls.
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04-16-2012 18:22 by
Marshall the Great
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I just discovered I have a super power! I can be invisible... Oh no no wait, I'm just being ignored.
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04-16-2012 12:40 by
Marshall the Great
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My mom always said to make sure I had clean underwear in case I was in a car accident and that's why I keep that thong in the glove box, honey.
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04-16-2012 12:38 by
Marshall the Great
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How funny is it when you're telling somebody a made-up story and someone says "Oh yeah I heard about that?"
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04-16-2012 12:35 by
Marshall the Great
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I was reading the ten commandments and got to "thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife" and I remembered where I left my wallet.
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04-16-2012 12:28 by
Marshall the Great
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