Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   Most stoners seem like they're not too bright. But ask them about weed and they turn into a walking Wikipedia.

   I'm a problem that you'd be glad to have.

   Facebook now has 901 million users and I'm pretty sure all of them have invited me to play FarmVille.

   I want a car that runs on the tears I shed at the gas pump.

   Ben Franklin started the first Colonial printing press using hemp paper, I'm not saying he smoked it, a lot of sober guys fly kites in a thunderstorm.

   Was the little pig who built his house out of straw some sort of f*cking idiot?

   statistics show that 97 % of dead people will stop posting statuses.

   Watching the news right now and the news lady is going to a hot dog eating contest. She just said she is going to see how many wieners she can fit in her mouth at once. I spit coffee on my computer.

   Boss just calls me into work for a quick favor & the first thing he asks me is "Are you sober?" I said "Define sober." He hangs up. I win...

   Dudes: Women LOVE IT, when you're man enough to just walk away from an argument... Unless the argument is with THEM. Then... YOU'RE a PUSS!

   I went to see a phsycic last weekend and she told me that I would be coming into money. Last night I f*cked a girl named Penny. Spooky or what.???

   Anyone care to tell me 1) Why, when brushing my teeth, I raise my eyebrows AS FAR AS THEY WILL GO? And 2) How long has this been going on?

   No thanks, 5 Hour Energy, I'd rather have a 5 Hour Nap.

   I have more money now than I did when I went out last night. Which means I exchanged goods and/or services while drunk. Not good.

   If I ever swallow something potentially life-threatening and I need to induce vomiting, I hope you're around to make it easier.

   I understand that your heart is in the right place. Unfortunately, your head is up your ass, and I ain't goin in after it.

   I planted something on Earth Day... My ass in my recliner for the day!

   My wife doesn't appreciate that I love her mother in law more than I love mine.

   I took beano in honor of earth day and I'm not gonna dump my ash tray till tomorrow...

   I've seen a lot of people discussing the Tupac hologram and debating if it's disrespectful to him. I personally think we're losing sight of what's really important here... we're one step closer to having holographic strippers in our living rooms!