Funny Status Messages

   if nothing lasts forever, will you be my nothing?

   I am sick of USA blaming their presidents for everything! Help yourselves people! You elected him to be your leader not as your nanny!!

   Whenever I see signs that say ‘slow pedestrians' or ‘slow children playing' I can't help but picture people in helmets playing in the street.

   since Obama is trying to get rid of Guantomino bay, we will now be sending captured terrorists on Carnival Cruises

   I didnt fall for you...i tripped and fell cause your to ugly!!

   When I die, I want to be buried alive.

   so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

   sending a text message and sitting the phone between their legs on vibrate..

   Where would the world be without music?

   helping senior Citizens...one Cougar at a time.....

   Lethal Weapon 5.

   I don't know about you but putting the Kardashian's on a credit card to promote financial responsability makes as much sense as getting a nun to be a spokes woman for a condom company.

   my neighbors put their Christmas decorations up early, so I put my Easter stuff out just to one-up them.

   Our company had a chili cook-off today at 11:30. The "crop dusting" began about 2 hours later

   Finds most Christians treat their bible like computer software. They just scroll down the terms and conditions without reading it and click 'I agree.'

   it just me or is anyone else forced to feed their evil dust bunnies that live under there bed??

   how do you keep a little dog from humping your leg? Tape a photo of ur mom on ur kneecap.

   That's a low blow - and talking of low blows, how's your mother?

   Some advice guys: If your girlfriend is working out in your living room apartment, & there's a knock at the door from the tenant beneath you asking if there's live animals in the apartment, answering "pretty much" isn't such a good idea.

   This may look easy to you, but I assure you your mother is even easier.