Funny Status Messages

   You always get what you pay for. Nothing proves this more than toliet paper.

   Ebay: thank you for buying "Modern Warfare 2". Members who have bought this have also bought: Glitter boy Anal lube.

   Any man who does that should be Hung!" The man slowly took a sip of his beer then quietly replied... "I am,......and that's why she is happy to mow the lawn.

   One hot sunny afternoon a man was sitting in his lawn-chair drinking beer and listening to the game, while his wife mowed the lawn. The Lady next store observed this and scolded him.... "How can you sit there and let your wife do the hard work? Any man w

   Dear bacon company - is it too challenging to make a package I don't need to destroy to get open and that doesn't leave my hands covered in grease?

   Breaking News: The National Weather Center has issued a tornado warning for Chattanooga TN. For your own safety head to Neyland Stadium in Knoxville, they're not worried about a touchdown there.......

   Joke of the day: Two old women were sitting in church. One leans over to her friend and said, "My butt is asleep." Her friend replied, "I know, I've heard it snore three times already."

   eat, drink, and be scary.

   I Just got super excited when Ice-ice Baby played on Pandora, Does that mean that I'm getting old? Yo man lets get outa hair, Word to your mother!!!!

   I hate it when I get pissed, SLAM the door, storm out of the house.. then realize I have to go back in for my car keys..

   I'm in one of those moods that only a virgin sacrifice will appease.

   And the Hedonist of the Year award goes Charlie Harper, who couldn't be with us tonight. Accepting the award on his behalf is Charlie Sheen. Oh, wait ... what's the difference? =p

   Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I'm typing this with my middle finger.

   Some people have all the luck. They're called "cheaters."

   Society would improve leaps and bounds if people would just stop putting those stupid Transformers emblems on their cars.

   Whoo yooh A suicide book..got my mother in laws christmas present..};-)

   Remembers the dude that answered his door in sweats and a motley crue tshirt who forgot it was Halloween? He rumages through his cupboards and out of guilt gives you 10 pop tarts and a tube of pringles...........Halloween Jackpot.........

   watched several people 'ducking' while running through the rain tonight ... does that really help?

   Dear Tummy , sorry for all the butterflies . Dear Pillow , sorry for all the tears . Dear Heart , sorry for all the damage . Dear Brain , you were right .

   Life is a journey, with plenty of stops at the liquor store to make it bearable.