Funny Status Messages

   Chills and they're multiplying

   Did you hear the one about the woman who was sexually attracted to electronic devices? She blew a fuse.

   texting with Jenn Sterger.

   I'm extending Halloween one MORE day for everyone. I talked to your boss, (s)he said no problem as long as you come to work in a slutty costume.

   How does every ethnic joke start? By looking over your shoulder.

   I'll be spending most of today putting Santa hats on all my Halloween decorations.

   Ummmm excuse me to my lovely US of A buddies but here in Australia the word "FANNY" means a completely different thing....so when you ask me if I use a fanny pack just remember this for future reference PMSL

   it's so cold outside that all the politicians have their hands in their own pockets.

   :: The Twilight saga - it's like Star Wars for chicks ;)

   I bet you Randy Moss wishes he could be traded again.

   ‎25yr old Wayne Rooney celebrates his £250,000 a week pay deal sippin pink champagne in a hot pool in Dubai. Over in Afghanistan a 24yr old soldier is sippin warm water for not much more than £250 a week,in a hostile country surrounded by people who w

   Halloween - the one day of the year peadophiles get home delivery

   after watching "The Walking Dead" premiere tonight on AMC. I'm going to dream about zombies tonight. Its okay becasue with my skills I'm sure I'll be the zombies nightmare.

   Going to create a new social networking site called Myface because it would be hilarious to hear someone say, "Have you been on myface today?"

   People who use sporks can't be trusted.

   Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

   What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhino? El-if-i-no

   confused as a Amish guy at Best Buy.

   My insomnia has narcolepsy...

   For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O Donnell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O Donnell.