Funny Status Messages

   When I was a little girl, my mother wore a mood ring. When she was in a good mood it turned blue. When she was in a bad mood, it left a big red mark on my forehead.

   If a person from Iceland and a person from Cuba have a baby together, would it be considered an ice cube?

   I wish I could google the things I've misplaced.

   Dear Santa, Don't bother coming to my house this year. I've been naughty and it was f*cking worth it, you judgemental son of a b*tch!"

   Curiosity killed the cat... but satisfaction brought him back.

   Maybe the TSA is just offering prostate screenings as part of Obama's healthcare reform???

   According to scientists drinking one can of four loko is like drinking 4 beers, 2 red bulls, a small taco, a ghost and a park bench.

   Warning, Taking this medicine with alcohol may cause you to loose consciousness....Probably should have read that two hours ago

   I wonder if its possible to actually get a girl's number when you say "what yo name is girl, what yo name is" Either I'm gonna get slapped or we could go cash our welfare checks together.

   After several years I finaly saw the whole picture ... Damn you A.J. and Nick, you ruined the growing potential of the Backstreet Boys !! :p

   - Awesome high speed chase on FoxNews ending with the guy ramming the back of a tanker truck carrying Orange Juice. Anyone else find it ironic that O.J. actually STOPPED a high speed chase????

   a little upset about this potential ban on four loko. Aren't they aware that breakfast is the most important meal of the day?

   Don't hate me because I'm beautiful hate me because your boyfriend thinks so.

   Until you called me I couldn't remember the last time I wanted somebody's fingers to break so badly.

   A reporter asked Philadelphia Eagles QB Micheal Vick what the biggest difference is between prison and the NFL. He replied, "In the NFL, I only have 11 guys I have to run away from that's trying to get my ass."

   If I wanted to talk to you, I would have called you first

   I have been invited to a premature ejaculation society annual dinner.I asked about the dress code and they said "Just come in your pants."

   Booked into a hotel and as a man of God I said "Right young man, I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled." The receptionist said "No, it's just normal porn you sick f*ck."

   Learn from the past, live for today, look for tomorrow, take a nap this afternoon.

   Jimmy Kimmel has declared today "National UnFriend Day." Don't forget to UnFriend some non-friends today. Then tell your real friends how much you appreciate them!