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The doctor handed me a referral note to see a specialist. I looked at it and said, "And I'd like you to see Mrs. Anderson, my 3rd grade teacher... she did wonders for my handwriting!" 
If you pull them up high enough, any underwear becomes a thong.
I think that if I were a cannibal I'd only eat vegetarians, for the irony.
-2-Face contact with this so called "Future-me" or it could have serious affects on the way of life as I know it now... "I knew I would own a Delorean one day... HIGH FIVE
A man's idea of helping with the housework is lifting his legs so you can vacuum...
A chinese couple had a black baby guess what they named him? Sum ting wong
As an experiment I'm going to try to see life through the eyes of a man...dammit, I can't stop staring at my a$$ in the mirror!
Man life is a bi+ch..why couldn't it be a slut? At least then it would be easy!
The sexual position, more commonly known as 69 will now be known as 96. Due to the economy, it now costs more to eat out than it use to.
Every man should carry a sharp knfife , a sharp pen and a sharp tongue but only a gentlemen knows whe to use them
I began to slip while going to my car but turned it into a fantastic Moonwalk instead...man I got skills!
I'm a much better fighter now that I have a blackbelt. I was f-kin hopeless when my trousers kept falling down.
Kate Middleton asks the Queen the secret of a successful marriage. The Queen says, "Wear a seatbelt and don't piss me off."
Did you hear about the new Austalian diet? It's called Swim Fast.
Snowman hunting is good training for the zombie apocalypse.
I had the right to remain silent, but I didn't have the ability.....
Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
WWJD (Who Wants Jelly Donuts?
1) Type in google "50 Most Popular Women" 2) Find something with abcnews.com 3) Click on it 4) Look Who has "Nr. 7" position 5) Have a nice laugh)))
If a wolf can take down a deer from either flank, does that make him bambidextrous?
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