Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Can't believe it's 2011 and I still can't serve my jail sentence online.
←Rate | 02-03-2011 15:58 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Gonna steal one of those "No interest for 12 months" signs from a store...and hang it on my life.
←Rate | 02-03-2011 15:58 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon listening to Carole King tell him that she feels the Earth move under her feet and that it has something to do with when I'm around......does that mean she thinks I'm fat?
←Rate | 02-03-2011 15:42 by @mntnbikerbw Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Lean Cuisine, Your microwave lunches are small. My body does not get 35MPG like most people. I get more like 12MPG with a strong tail wind. Please help. Love, Me
←Rate | 02-03-2011 15:26 by BWT20Racer Comments (0)  


   messageicon How much toilet paper does the average woman use???
←Rate | 02-03-2011 15:16 by @steady!!! Comments (0)  


   messageicon i know this is gonna be misinterpreted, but I've been sitting on hard wood for an hour, and my ass is killing me!
←Rate | 02-03-2011 15:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon After a very thorough, 25 year investigation, charges have officially been filed against "video" for her part in the killing of the radio star.....
←Rate | 02-03-2011 15:02 by scottyp Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinks that instead of reposting statuses it would be a better idea if all women with a "wonderful man" would cook him his favourite meal and dress up for his bedroom fantasies instead ;).... just saying, but the reposting thing is cool too.
←Rate | 02-03-2011 14:22 by Der Arzte Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinks that the phrase "home sweet home" was coined by the witch from Hansel and Gratel.
←Rate | 02-03-2011 14:20 by Tarwadi Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm never sure what to do with my eyes when I'm at the dentist. Do I close them? Do I stare at his face? Do I look at the ceiling? What's the proper etiquette here?
←Rate | 02-03-2011 13:41 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon the next time someone says "I don't know whether to laugh or cry"... kick 'em in the shins really hard so they'll know for sure.
←Rate | 02-03-2011 12:51 by @The69Sheriff Comments (0)  


   messageicon it's not the heat, it's the humidity thats bothering me today
←Rate | 02-03-2011 12:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Egyptians Gone Wild
←Rate | 02-03-2011 12:33 by remy Comments (0)  


   messageicon Spell check... it's impotent
←Rate | 02-03-2011 12:06 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Life Lesson number 1, There is a time each month when a man would rather face death in a 20ft snow drift than spend a day with his significant other. Thank god for 4 wheel drive
←Rate | 02-03-2011 11:55 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon would eat more salads if they didn't taste like vegetables.
←Rate | 02-03-2011 11:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm about 0 for 300 in looking for safes behind wall paintings
←Rate | 02-03-2011 10:56 by abbybaby34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon reminded my buddy to let his faucet drip...forgot he had gonorrhea...another awkward moment brought to you by STD's...
←Rate | 02-03-2011 10:52 by M.A.C. Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thank you music, for being there when no one else was.
←Rate | 02-03-2011 10:51 by abbybaby34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thanks everyone for posting photos of the fresh snow. No, really I haven't seen nearly enough in person even though I was shoveling at 5am this morning.
←Rate | 02-03-2011 10:25 Comments (0)  



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