SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   Getting a lot of nice things said to me lately. I don't believe a word of it.

   If wishes were kisses we'd all have mono. well, until someone wished they didn't....where was I going with this?

   Tonight has been brought to you by WTF?

   Guy at coffee shop just asked for a "croissant" like he's totally a French person. It's like, calm down, dude.

   I get one pimple & here I am watching Proactive infomercials & thinking it's a good idea to order. BUT WAIT, there's more!!

   I used Suave shampoo this morning and I just tripped over a curb. How long does it take for this stuff to kick in?

   It's hard to be intimidating when your boots keep making fart sounds when you walk.

   I wonder how popular the occupy Poland movement will get? #toosoon?

   Ambulances are SUCH drama queens.

   Hey, if y'all have any good vegan Thanksgiving recipes please rip them up and burn them cause that's freakin' gross.

   Why are these Occupy Wall Street hippies constantly interrupting perfectly peaceful gatherings of angry police officers?

   B!tches or not, 99 problems is still a sh!tload of problems.

   A cool thing about being in a relationship is that when you make a mistake you get to hear about it 1,345,435 times.

   I really don't want a birthday card. Just give me the $4 you would've spent on it. If it makes you feel better sign your name on each dollar.

   I wonder if my drug dealer is going to have any Black Friday deals.

   I've found "the more the merrier" to be a dangerously inaccurate cliché.

   Yelling "I DIDN'T INVITE YOU IN" doesn't work on spiders but it will freak out twilight fans.

   "Love me tender." - pirate describing his fondness of breaded chicken

   I'm in Wisconsin for two more days which should be just long enough to lose enthusiasm for existence.

   I think it's time for me to pick something to care about.