Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   GOSH! You try to relax naked in the hot tub with a liquor drink and a cigar and the whole staff at the YMCA goes into an uproar..... Sheesh.

   I have a friend who is a Jehovah's Witness. He tried to tell me a knock knock joke and got all pissed off when I ignored him.

   I don't know why my girlfriend insists on buying me Lunchables, Fruit Roll-Ups, and Pudding Cups for my lunch at work, like I'm in Kindergarten... She knows damn well they won't fit in my Scooby-Doo lunch box!

   I don't want to be mean and "block" you, so just close your eyes when I post, like I do, when I see YOUR pic. Thanks :)

   I gave our new female employee an instant promotion in exchange for sex. You should've seen her face when she found out I wasn't the boss.m

   If putting a cup holder, car stereo, car horn, and a patio umbrella on my riding mower is weird, I dont wanna know what normal is.......

   I'll believe almost anything someone tells me in a British accent because they sound really smart when they talk.......

   If I gave a sh*t, you'd be the 1st person I'd give it to.

   I believe in Karma That means I should be able to do bad things to people I don't like and assume they deserved it .

   New Condom Slogan: Wrap it in latex or she's going to get your paychecks.

   I speak 4 languages: English, Profanity, Sarcasm, & Real Sh!t..

   Sucks when you find out you have crabs and are allergic to shellfish

   Just ran into the ex-girlfriend. She's doing fine ...but my poor car was totaled beyond recognition

   I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

   I just got my pen!s caught in my zipper..................... I knew I shouldn't have bought those zip up shoes.

   Yesterday was Cinco de Mayo. For many people today is Toileto de Puko

   I just got my pen!s caught in my zipper,,,,,,,,,,, I knew I shouldn't have bought those zip up shoes.

   Not everyone can go down in history, but if you play your cards right...You can go down on me.

   Since I've started laying crack rocks on top of all my junk nothing had been stolen and everything is organized...

   Being right isn't nearly as important as knowing when to shut the hell up.