Funny Status Messages

   Where's Kanye West when you need him..

   I sleep better naked... why can't the flight attendant understand this?

   Lady GAGA was at the VMAs covered in meat. Now she's at the Grammys dressed as an egg. Two more red carpets and Gaga will be a Denny's Grand Slam.

   wonders if cupid has a job opening??? I would love to shoot people in the a** and get away with it!!!

   A baby was born laughing really hard with its fists closed! The confused doctor unfolded its tiny fingers and found a birth control pill.

   Shopping when hungry means you end up buying food you will regret. You should apply the same rule for not being too horny when going to the clubs and bars.

   I decided I'd like to get to know you all a lot better. Let's start with banking information. ;)

   ‎99 problems... 99 bottles of beer on the wall... Problems solved.

   You know your getting old when your wife/gf beats you in COD

   I'm not lazy, I'm just highly motivated not to do anything...

   A man's best chance of winning any argument with a woman is if he confines it entirely in his own mind.

   Hey Lady Gaga- Way to add new lyrics to Madonna's Express Yourself.

   wondering if cupid has a job opening??? I would LOVE to shoot people in the Ass and get away with it!!!!

   This new Facebook friend viewer application so you can see your friends online is kind of weird. Its like they don't even know you can see them.

   Friends don't tag friends in hideous Facebook pictures.

   You'll never truly know happiness until you've experienced great sorrow. How long is it suppose to take for the happiness part kick in?

   When you find someone who finally understands you, the world will go away.

   My wife and I are doing the same thing for Valentine's Day that we do every year: Laughing at all the people who spend too much money!

   My heart is in a relationship, but I am single - It's complicated.

   Note to self, don't introduce yourself to the new neighbors until they have all the heavy stuff moved in.