Funny Status Messages

   Girls these days are chasing nuts like squirrels before winter.

   gas is costing me a arm an a leg, if it hit 5 dollars I'm not sure if I'm gonna be able to walk.. .

   Mike Tyson reality show? somebody kill me now.

   Just a kind thought to all those born on February 29th: You've only got 1 year left to plan your birthday party :D

   Do headphones just tie themselves in knots while we're not looking?

   You know that you are broke when your bologna has no first name.

   Your In ur bed, it's 6 AM,u close ur eyes for 5 minutes, it's 7:45. At school, it's 1:30,u close your eyes for 5 minutes,it"s 1:31

   Hi welcome to Hollister, Would you like a flashlight?

   Oh so the "wind is blowing" huh? Thanks for that description genius. But tell me this, have you ever felt wind that doesn't blow?

   Sometimes I feel like only Google understands what I'm trying to say...

   all men are born with their very own personal Shake Weight.

   Signs you are getting old: My friend was asked last week how she can sleep so early at night, and answered, "an eyemask." The person who asked wanted to know how an iMask worked.

   super excited cause In 21st century relationships.. you can touch each other's private parts BUT you can't touch each other's cell phones because they are PRIVATE!

   Muammar Gaddafi continues his control over Libya saying in a press conference "No one better lay a finger on my butterfinger"

   This is where I plan on retiring: Go to Google Maps, hit these coordinates 45.55243,6.453428 in the search bar. Now back away on the map until the town name appears. Oh yeah, that's it. LOL!

   changing my Facebook name to "Nobody", that way I can 'like' a stupid status and it will read "Nobody likes this."

   we all know "watch a movie" means "I wanna be in the dark with you"

   Free Tibet* --- *with the purchase of another Tibet of equal or greater value.

   I'm humored that libya produces less than 2 percent of the worlds oil but speculation has put it roughly 30 percent up at the pump in the past weeks. But what do I know

   If you watch 127 hours backwards it's an uplifting story about a disabled man finding an arm in the desert.