Funny Status Messages

   I've just bought a Dalmatian puppy. And I've found out if you join all the dots together with a marker pen... ...it doesn't wash off.

   "The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it.

   I really wanna buy a "Winning" T-Shirt.

   I'm not a stalker I'm just bad with goodbyes

   Men always want to be a woman's first love. Women have a more subtle instinct; what they like to be is a man's last romance.

   i'm convinced marliyn manson and lady gaga are the same person

   thinking...the only one who wants Snow right now is Charlie Sheen...I happen to have a whole driveway full....Winning!!!"

   You hear people say don't feed squirrels or birds b/c it will affect the animals' instincts/skills and negatively affect the entire ecosystem. Maybe people nowadays's should apply that philosophy to child rearing.....

   According to the Virgin mobile commercials I have a stalker that loves to watch me sleep and hide in my closet...

   Austin 3:16 says I just whopped your a$$

   I didn't ditch you for the couch... I was already on my couch!! That means I would've been ditching my couch for you!

   You can't put a price on happiness... However the bi-products Water, Pg&E, Internet, Clothes, Shoes, Movies, Food, Transportation, Travel.... You can put a price on.

   Charlie Sheen uses tobasco sauce for eye drops! Winning!

   went to the hairdressers and asked for a numer 1 all over and she pee'd all over my head. I wont fall for that again though.... next time i'll just ask for a number 2.

   that a friend in need is a friend indeed, but a 'friend' that is ALWAYS in need is getting on my nerves.

   Life before the computer: Memory was something that you lost with age. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show. A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. A web was a spider's home. A virus was the flu. A CD was a bank account.

   A wise man once told me, "You are not the father"! Thanks Maury!

   The Only good thing that can come from a kim kardashian song, is a kim kardashian music video!

   it bad when I'm talking to myself and I'm not even listening?

   watching the origin of the KKK on the history channel...take a stand and join the klan? that doesnt even rhyme...YA RETARDS.