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As I slide down this bannister we call life, you, and you alone, are the splinter in my ass 
Sometimes you make the right decision, sometimes you make the decision right
imagine if you got all the way home from the grocery store and realized you left sumpthing in the cart? then you gotta go ALL the way back to get yur kid? ugg that really bite
Happiness is'nt getting what you want, it is wanting what you've got
If youre cooler than me, doesnt that make me hotter than you?
Obama Nation sounds like Abomination coincidence hmmmmm……
I found out I have CDO. It's like OCD, except the letters are in alphabetical order...like they should be
People please!! It's not the end of the world. It's just the beginning of a new, glowing, ticking kind of world..
Saint Patrick was born in Britain under Roman rule. He was captured by Irish pirates and forced to be a slave.
Your Fat! and I'm not gonna sugar coat it cause you will eat that too!!!
Why are there laws against texting while driving and drinking while driving... but not texting while drinking?
my oven doesn't need a self-cleaning mode; my *bathroom* needs a self-cleaning mode.
I'm pretending to be hungover today, so nobody at work gets the wrong impression of me...the last thing I want to be labled is a responsible adult...
happy green vomit day!
wondering how the first prostate exam went..."hold on, you want to stick your finger where?!"
Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I'd like to see a drug commercial that says, "May cause extreme awesomeness."
St. Patrick 1 - me 0
I love everybody. Some I love to be around, some I love to walk away from, and some I would love to punch in the face
125 shot of nitrous is like a hot chick with STD's.... You know you wanna hit it but your afraid of the consequences!
I ate some green cheese yesterday, thinking it was green for St Patricks day. Turns out it was just really bad cheese! I've been sitting on this toilet for 14 hours.
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