Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Success woke me up, Motivation made me Breakfast, Destiny gave me my Agenda and the Lord gave me his Blessings:-)

   WHO'S GUILTY HERE?... A wife is dreaming, wakes up and shouts "Quick...my husband's home!" Her husband wakes up and jumps out the window!

   A "Friends with benefits" in reality is telling you to your face that you're good enough to f*ck, but not good enough to invest feelings in!

   If your relationship has more issues than a magazine stand then I suggest you cancel that subscription!

   has realized there is no Popcorn in Popcorn Chicken. Guess there is no sense in trying the Hash Brown either then!

   A keyring is a handy little gadget that let's you lose all your keys at once

   nt it strange how hot sexy women always drive cute little car? Which reminds me the m.o.t due on the wife's transit

   dont forget to party like Rebecca black tomorow

   There's a fine line between OBLIVION and PLAIN STUPIDITY.

   My girlfriend told me how shaving her before sex could be quite a turn on and give for a much smoother experience. She was wrong though, I found her bald head more of a turn off.

   When I was at school I belonged to a gang called The Secret Seven and we were sworn to secrecy. We were so good that I never found out who the other six were.

   Facebook is like jail, you sit around and waste time, have a profile picture, write on walls, and get pocked my guys you don't really know.

   Whenever I erase text messages, I feel like I'm deleting evidence :)

   wondering if I should go to bed or just stay up. I have mixed emotions about it. If I stay up I will be bored and if I go to bed I will be bored. At least if I'm in bed sleeping I won't know I'm bored so I guess I will go to bed..Peace out!!

   People tend to have two reasons for doing a thing; one that sounds good and a real one.

   What FB really needs.. Is an "Unsee" button..

   One man says to the other "I heard Joe is doing Crystal Meth now." The other man replys "Who's Crystal and how longs he been doing her?"

   Saw a lady at Walmart wearing those "shape up" shoes. Thought to myself, "Honey....there ain't no shaping that thing up."

   Have ya ever notice no one ever post a "If you have a loved one in Hell that you miss, please repost"...

   If you find out your guest has no toilet paper from the other side of the door, you have FAILED as a host.