Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Michigan: First Line of Defense From the Canadians

   I have an answering machine for my phone. Now when I'm not home and someone calls me up they hear a recording of a busy signal.

   Why is that you can always read a doctor's bill but never his prescription?

   sometimes it feels weird when you don't know why you hate someone for the first time you see them and even without talking to them.

   Ham and Eggs: A day's work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig.

   I was once walking through the forest alone. A tree fell right in front of me -- and I didn't hear it.

   I've grown to hate low ceilings

   The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.

   I like poking dead things with a stick...kicking my neighbors cat...and yelling at nuns walking down the street..."you working or walking?"...let's see that on E-Harmony.

   The karaoke guy got cut from American Idol last night...maybe you should be nicer to people...ya prick.

   That red headed girl on American Idol got cut last night...what was HIS name again?

   i enjoy long romantic walks to the Refrigerator

   Joe Rogan vs My Grandma....out back...in the alley...on the next pay per-view....my moneys on Ganny.

   Joe Rogan is to MMA as Pocket Knife is to ear cleaning?

   Anyone else think Charlie Sheen snorted the fine line between recreational use and addiction?

   Sheen needs one more GF, then he could have Charlies Angels....I'm Sheens new PR guy. ;)

   Winning is addicted to me...

   It's March 4th. I like today's date because it's like I'm telling people what to do.

   *scratching neck and chin..."I gotta tell you something Joe Rogan....I take Charlie Sheen"

   Muammar Gaddafi owns a house in New Jersey.....wow he really is crazy....hey Snooki, new meat.