Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   … Everytime I see a mattress on top of a car I think it's a prostitute making house calls …

   It's going to be weird still checking Facebook when I'm 70.

   excited about Fat Tuesday! Not so excited about Headachey Wednesday though.

   (o) (o) Happy Mardi Gras! Now where are my beads???

   o.k., really........gas $3.53gal., OPEC, the least you could do is give me a reach around at the pump....just sayin!!!

   just p*ssed so hard a little bit of laugh came out.

   don't tell me what you did for a klondike bar, tell me what you did to get all those beads.

   They have changed the “Cookie Monster” into the “Veggie Monster"..but he still acts retarded.

   Breaking News from an awesome friend!: The Pity Train has just derailed at the intersection of Suck It Up & Move On and crashed into We All Have Problems before coming to a complete stop at Get Over It. Reporting LIVE from Quitchur Yapping, USA. :P

   Your like a 5 hr energy drink. Fast & Easy. 

   It might be fat Tuesday today, but I'm fat everyday. So what's the big deal.

   Hey, it's Fat Tuesday, or just Tuesday, as it's known at Kirstie Alley's house.

   ‎241543903- google it and tell me your not confused also

   To celebrate Womans Day I shall have sex with 5 lucky women today .

   Apparently 'Fat Tuesday' doesn't constitue telling fatties they're fatties.

   So what if we find out tha Charlie Sheen has been right all along, and the rest of us have been wrong?

   I will never understand how someone could kill in the name of religion... or unfriend me on facebook.

   No matter what your Chinese symbol tattoo says... I'm going to assume the translation is: "Please think I'm cool."

   Today is International Women's day AND ALSO Fat Tuesday.. Coincidence??...I think not

   You can always tell which friends have no life, you can never get a poke up on them.