Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Bad: Having a song stuck in your head. Worse: Having a song stuck in your head that you don't know all the words to.

   A paper cut is the paper's way of saying,"If I was still a tree, I would give you a damn splinter,but this is the best I can do"

   Dear scientists, Which is worse for our lungs, smoking or walking into an Abercrombie store? Sincerely, worried..

   that awkward moment when you hold the door for someone and you're left standing there for an eternity because they move at a turtle's pace.

   Dear cops, Please stop pretending you never drank before you were 21. Sincerely, you're not fooling anyone!

   Dear Sour Patch Kids, What happened to all the Sour Patch Parents? Sincerely, confused eater..

   People say I am so cruel, but I have the heart of a small child...in a jar on my desk...

   My parents are gone! I should do something crazy that I'm not allowed to do!... *Drinks milk straight from the carton*.... God I'm so badass.

   Dear person next to me in class, -->PLEASE WRITE BIGGER<-- Sincerely, didn't study.

   If your teacher puts 2x + 5x2 ÷ -8 + 21 on the board & tells you to "solve the problem"...get up, & erase the board. problem solved b*tch

   Teacher: Where's your homework? You: ...My dog ate it. Teacher: Your dog ate it? You: Okay! Okay! I fed it to him, so what?

   Looking forward to long car rides, So you can listen to your ipod for what feels like forever

   Dear gas prices, I love it when you go down on me. Sincerely, pretty please?

   Would you like to share that with the class? Yes, of course. That's why I was whispering it.

   I hate Glee... when I drive past stupid drivers with my hand in the shape of an "L" on my forehead, they just smile, give me a giant thumbs up and nod as I read their lips "I love Glee too!"meanwhile drifting bk and forth while driving 55 in the fast lane

   WHEN I SAY "NO OFFENSE, BUT...." YEAH, I'M ABOUT TO OFFEND YOU.

   You know those filters in your head that tell you its a bad idea to say something. Yeah well, I think mines broken.

   WHY do people point at their wrist while asking the time? I don't point at my crotch while asking where the toilet is!

   I hate it when mechanical pencils refuse to use that last half inch of lead.

   Be strong, вєαυтιfυℓ , because things will get better. It may be stormy now, But ιт ¢αи'т яαιи fσяєνєя