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definition of the day: Kia....You mess with my women I kia 
Jamaican GPS' would be great. “TURN AROUND, MON. YOU GOIN' DE WRONG WAY. TURN DE ODDA WAY MON. KEEP GOIN' DATTA WAY, MON. TURN COMIN' UP ON DE NEXT LEFT. YOU GOT DIS, MON.”
bumped into this cat at the gas station this morning getting coffee and he told me "Asalamalakum." I told him "I also like the Lakers!"
I have decided that if I ever win the lottery I am going to hire a Rabbi, a Priest and a Minister to follow me around to the bars.
Girl scout cookies just came, no time for Facebook!
Why don't Barbie and Ken have any kids? Answer: Because Ken came in another box.
Can't believe Monica Lewinsky is already 38, seems like yesterday she was crawling around the White House on her hands and knees
Seeing a spider is nothing. It becomes a problem when it disappears.
Gonna ride a two person bike around campus by myself until I make a friend.
The TV is so loud! But not quite loud enough to make me get up and get the remote.
Charlie Sheen's stand-up material is so bad that CBS wants him back as an actor AND writer on Two & A Half Men
there are 7 dwarves so that would be 6 out of 7 aint happy
With all these people "checking in" at every place they go to, I'm thinking Facebook is a probation officer as well as a social networking site.
Just so all of my friends know, If I ever say the phrase "okie dokie artichokie" to you, it's a signal and means I've either been kidnapped or I've run out of vodka. One of the two
Happy Humpday ...........hump like a camel and get down and dirty like frog nuts!
I always feel a little bad for a guy when I notice he missed a belt loop on his pants... or lost his family in a fire.
we often spend so much of money on buying clothes but never realize that some of the best moment in life is enjoyed without cloths!
President Obama's approval ratings are so low now, Kenyans are accusing him of being born in the United States.
Noticed that the radiation has given me superpowers just like in the comic books. I can now see through glass, levitate birds, clone half of myself and posses the strength of a human.
I had no idea my woman had 61 boyfriends before me, but she must have. I just wish she wouldn't refer to me as her sixty-second lover. 