Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Part of me says I can't keep drinking like this. The other part of me says, "Don't listen to her. She's drunk

   • There is nothing more pleasing than seeing a couple that are always posting sickly messages to each, finally break up on facebook.

   I am a leader not a follower so therefore I don't twitter.

   • the distance between any problem and the solution = the distance between your knees and the floor

   If the government would charge a 3% stupidity tax, they could pay off the national debt in no time..

   Boyfriend for sale... comes with remote.

   A Jehovah witness came to the door and said can I come in to the chat. So we sat down and I said what do you want to talk about to which he replied beat the heck out of me I have never gotten this far

   Obama re-election: Beyond 'Hope' and 'Change' ... Now its 'Poverty and Debt'........

   Travel Tip: Don't fly on Southwest, unless you like your airplanes with sunroofs........

   Saw my Sri Lankan friends slurping tea out of a saucer this morning. When I asked why, they said because the Indians took the cup :D

   the kids next door have challenged me to a water balloon fight. just updating my status while waiting on the water to boil..

   attention: Helen Waite is now in charge of my schedule. if you need me to do anything just go to Helen Waite.

   I just read Snooki from "Jersey Shore" hates her nickname, and wants to go back to using her real name: Bilbo Baggins

   the best way to get out of a text conversation: "The message could not be delivered. Please try again later. Error 226110."

   hates people who use facebook to exhibit depression and their general hate for the world...this is not therapy ppl. I dont give a f***

   Maybe it's Maybelline... Maybe it's Photoshop.

   I walked by a tanning salon yesterday and at the door was a black dude handing out flyers and he wore a big card that read *I GOT MY TANNING HERE!!!*

   ‎"Girl, you must have farted, cuz you blew me away"--Using this pick up line as soon as the opportunity presents it self lmfao

   the more guys I meet, the more I love my dog :)

   I'll take Gary Busey & his nonsensical ramblings over Charlie Sheen & his b.s. any day.