Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Get robbed on the street by a stranger, it's called a mugging, get robbed by your government, and it's called "taxes" ;)

   What's the difference between a psychologist and a magician? A psychologist pulls habits out of rats!

   Time is your most precious gift, you only have a set amount of it. Time is your life. That is why the greatest gift you can give someone is your time.

   Dear Mother Nature, I know you've been on the rag lately, but who lit the fuse on your tampon?!?!

   Whenever I talk to Canadians, I wonder if they can tell I'm thinking, "Damn, those-hockey-loving-white-Mexicans, they got all the good beer.....".

   Be the kind of woman that when your feet hit the ground each morning the devil says, "OH CRAP, SHE'S UP"!

   Todays suggestion...Someone just KILL terry jones,so more people dont die because of HIS stupidity. Like the GOVT hasent done it in the past,US citizen or not. Hell I'll do it,just give me the go ahead.

   Dear Mother Nature, I know you've been on the rag lately, but could you please put a cork in it?!?! Thanks

   I wish all these vegetarians would stop eating my food's food!

   For her birthday she told me to get her something she could use, She must not of liked the Summers Eve, I havent heard from her in days

   I was just reading the bible and it came to my attention that is is the man's job to make the coffee in the morning... HeBrews

   WARNING!!!! New virus on FB! (ASTC-virus, AssStuckToChair). The virus glues you to your chair for several hours! No housework will be done, children will starve and the dog will not get its walk. You're likely to lose all contact to the outside world. Put

   Money may not buy happiness but it can certainly improve the quality of your misery

   The hardest part of letting go of someone you love... is the splat when they hit the ground.

   popsicle sticks: $1. caramel: $3. onion: $4. watchng ur frends bite into a caramel onion thinkin its an apple: priceless.

   If the government would charge a 3% stupidity tax on themselves alone, they could pay off the national debt in no time..

   If Monday had a face, I'd punch it.

   Part of me says I can't keep drinking like this. The other part of me says, "Don't listen to her. She's drunk

   • There is nothing more pleasing than seeing a couple that are always posting sickly messages to each, finally break up on facebook.

   I am a leader not a follower so therefore I don't twitter.