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Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages
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More than 7 billion other people in the world,and not one of them is naked in front me right now. That's not right...
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05-16-2012 16:52 by
Marshall the Great
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Hershey's is coming out with a new candy bar for transvestites... called Heshey's
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05-16-2012 16:03 by
Marshall the Great
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She wanted to do it doggy style so I sniffed her ass, humped her leg and bit her on the face.
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05-16-2012 16:03 by
Marshall the Great
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Strip Rock Paper Scissors is my new favorite game.
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05-16-2012 15:58 by
Marshall the Great
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It's annoying that I don't understand all these Call of Duty or Lord of the Rings jokes. Then I remember, I have a girlfriend.
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05-16-2012 15:53 by
Marshall the Great
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No one cares about your problems. Take your clothes off.
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05-16-2012 15:52 by
Marshall the Great
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Making my lunch for work sucks ass because I smoked a big joint before going in and I ate everything by 9am.
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05-16-2012 15:13 by
Marshall the Great
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Cashier: "Did you find everything you were looking for?" Me: "Nope - still single." Both of us: "Hahahaha!"
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05-16-2012 15:09 by
Marshall the Great
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I wonder when they will put the middle class on the endangered species list.
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05-16-2012 15:03 by
Marshall the Great
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Dear girl running for her life, I was only running after you with the knife trying to protect you from whatever you were running from... call me
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05-16-2012 14:59 by
Marshall the Great
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The only reason why I wouldn't care if I ever actually laughed my ass off is that I rarely give a sh*t.
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05-16-2012 14:58 by
Marshall the Great
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The key to successful relationships is not to start any.
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05-16-2012 14:55 by
Marshall the Great
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I feel like a MILF because Man I Love Facebook.
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05-16-2012 14:53 by
Marshall the Great
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I went to see my boss today and said, "I think we have a communication problem." He replied, "You can say that again, I fired you two weeks ago."
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05-16-2012 14:49 by
Marshall the Great
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If you think I wrote this status update in the nude, you're wrong. I'm wearing a sombrero and a candy necklace.
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05-16-2012 14:47 by
Marshall the Great
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Why is it called "raw sewage?" Does that mean that someone, somewhere, is cooking the sh!t?
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05-14-2012 06:41 by
Marshall the Great
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I wonder how many times that fat kid on Adam's Family locked himself in the bathroom with a playboy and that freaky hand thing?!?!
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05-14-2012 06:36 by
Marshall the Great
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A survey found 95% of men don't know how to turn a dishwasher on. Personally I find licking her nipples and a light fingering does the trick.
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05-14-2012 06:28 by
Marshall the Great
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Roach joints. Because yeah... I recycle! :)
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05-14-2012 06:27 by
Marshall the Great
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I'm going to take my new laptop back to the shop today. I've just noticed that the I, O, X and H keys are upside down.
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05-14-2012 06:24 by
Marshall the Great
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