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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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I once shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye.
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04-14-2011 07:47 by
EdStatus
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Ladies, don't give every man a taste because eventually you'll run out of flavor
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04-14-2011 07:00
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What's the difference between strippers and ballerinas? The ballerina's poles are horizontal.
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04-14-2011 06:57
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Women: Can't live with them, can't bury them in the back yard without the neighbours seeing.
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04-14-2011 05:44 by
Jakbrass
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Today is world animal day...let's all take a moment of silence... and remember our Ex's
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04-14-2011 03:25 by
Kisstopher
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Dude!!! That cross-eyed girl at the bar is looking at you.... And me
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04-14-2011 02:49 by
hovo
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Am I the only once who noticed Michael Jordan has a hitler mustache in the Haines commercials?
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04-14-2011 02:31
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Why do you LIKE your own status on facebook ? that's like texting yourself a question and replying back to yourself with your own answer
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04-14-2011 01:40
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Does anyone remember when gas was $1.09? Yeah neither do I.
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04-14-2011 01:40
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I hope that after I die, people will say of me: 'That guy sure owed me a lot of money.'
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04-13-2011 23:50
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How come if alcohol kills millions of brain cells, it never killed the ones that made me want to drink?
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04-13-2011 23:02 by
BEGO
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Sometimes I think that life is one big test...and I'm in the wrong classroom.
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04-13-2011 22:53 by
J. BIAZA
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When God was throwing intelligence down to the Earth, you were holding an umbrella.
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04-13-2011 22:51 by
BEGO
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When the toilet lids closed, it's turned into a seat.
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04-13-2011 22:46
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: Forecast for the weekend - On Friday, mild alcoholism with a 70% chance of poor decisions and impaired judgement close to midnight on Saturday. Increasing chance of regret and hangover for Sunday.
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04-13-2011 22:40 by
Elbow
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*sends text message* *gets a reply 45min later* "Oh so it's like that? Ok, then I'm gonna take twice as long to text back!"
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04-13-2011 22:27 by
BEGO
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Lying in bed, wondering if it's worth it to get up and pee.
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04-13-2011 22:18 by
BEGO
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God puts people in my life for a reason... & removes them from my life for a better reason.
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04-13-2011 22:06 by
BEGO
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Unfortunately, its hard to get real, useful advice nowadays. But on the other hand, you have different fingers...
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04-13-2011 21:57 by
RD
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burned lots of calories tonday, otherwise known as "dinner". :)
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04-13-2011 21:57 by
mznicky
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