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Fast food places gonna be bumpin today, Happy 4/20 (̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅_̅̅_̅()ڪے~ 
Patient: The problem is that obesity runs in my family. Doctor: No, the problem is no one runs in your family.
Yahoo News - "World's oldest man dies". Why does this keep happening?!
Boy goes to a strip club; His mom gets angry and asks him: "did you see anything there that you were not supposed to see?"; Boy: ''yes I saw Dad
My friend told me, "Smart men make great husbands!" Being the guy I am, I had to correct her, so I said "smart men don't get married"
OK Guys, you'restuck in bed between the most beautiful girl in the world and a gay guy. Who do you turn your back to?
Dentists are going on strike...brace yourselves
Women have to deal with periods and pregnancy. Men have to deal with Women. It's all about balance.
When I was a kid my family was so poor that the only time we got to eat meat was when we bit our tongue!
Found a Blockbuster Card in my closet, haven't been used in years... Is it considered an antique yet?
You people should be ashamed of your self....Smoking poor defenseless plants like that! How would you like it if a plant came up to you all willy nilly chopped of your legs and smoked them in front of you! >_< Yeah that's right.... I went there. Hap
The hospitals are running low on plasma and need donations. Aren't those pretty expensive TVs for a hospital's budget?
HAPPY 420 JOKERS SMOKERS AND MIDNIGHT TOKERS!
Pick it, pack it, fire it up come along, and take a hit from the bong
It's 4:19pm gotta minute?
Look ahead, not behind and we will find piece of mind. I know you'll find a place to dry my little social butterfly!
"Mounted in Alaska" ... Prolly coulda come up with a better name for that show.
You can't make the same mistake twice. The second time you make it, it's no longer a mistake. It's a choice.
Fun Fact: There's more time spent installing Adobe updates than the actual use of Adobe.
If you don't go after it, you'll never have it. If you don't ask, the answer is always no. If you dont step forward, you'll always be in the same place. 