Funny Status Messages

   I'm dragging ass today. I don't know how dogs wipe like this, it hurts like hell.

   First of all bro if you want to have a more manly image, you need to ditch the zebra stripe seatcovers.

   Dr. Dre has changed the name of his album from Detox to Unicorn. We can only assume it's because it's something that no one is ever gonna actually see

   If you're paddling upstream in a canoe and a wheel falls off, how many pancakes fit in a doghouse? None! Ice cream doesn't have bones!!! Happy 4/20

   The Nut I busted yesterday was so good it's still on my mind today at work. I'm totally having Pistachios again tonight

   whoever said money doesn't grow on trees obviously never sold marijuana...

   I'm sick of the cold. I'm ready to complain about it being too hot.

   just bought 400 copies of "Hoarders: Season 1." Not sure what to do with them...

   You know you've made wonderful choices in life when you're proud of yourself for not being drunk before lunch.

   You don't celebrate 420 if you get high everyday... That's like singing Happy Birthday to yourself everyday

   Wishing I was hot sticky and sweet.

   Ah April 20th, the day the word dude was born.

   OK am not one to brag..but I think I deserve a medal..I Just rescued a beer that was trapped in the fridge!

   Be nice to your laptop/smartphone today. SkyNet was supposed to become self-aware last night, April 19th 2011. If all goes well we can avoid Judgement Day tomorrow.

   “I like smoking a pipe of sweet hemp.” – Abraham Lincoln

   420 is the day we celebrate marijuana. 421 is the day employers celebrate random drug testing!

   Advice for today: Puff puff, Pass...don't get greedy.

   ''A married man is 4 times more likely to die during sex if his partner isn't his wife.'' Especially if his wife owns a gun.

   My son is being forced to smoke by our French exchange student....Pierre Pressure

   A friend of mine just married a Chinese billionaire. Cha Ching