Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.

   Sometimes? Late at night? I rearrange traffic signs. People need to be challenged.

   Ok so English petrol price is £6.72 a gallon so in Dollars $10.97 and you lot are complaining about $4.00(£2.45)???

   They say it's hard when gas prices are higher than yourGPA.....Gas prices have ALWAYS been higher than my GPA.

   I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my tree house

   Before you fall in Love with a girl with spakling eyes. Make sure It's not the sun shining through the back of her head

   - You know life is hard when gas prices are higher than your GPA.

   I just bought 4 new pairs of underwear.. Which means I can wait 4 more days until I have to do laundry again.

   The most exciting fact about life is the fact that everything you imagine happens somewhere and sometime in the universe.

   HOME ALONE! :( .... I started a fire in the kitchen by making a bowl of coco-pops (long story)....i had a panic attack so I called the fire brigade and they got mad at me because they said that the fire was only a little bit of milk on the kitchen floor..

   How many women does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, she just holds it up to the socket and waits for the world to revolve around her.

   I almost choked to death while trying to rap in the car on the way to work. Chewing gum and Wu-Tang clan ain't nothin' to f**k with.

   To all my Facebook Friends.....If you are over 20 years old and know the name to a Justin Bieber OR DAMN a Lady Gaga song, PLEASE Delete me as a friend....I don't think I wanna be friends with you!!!

   2/3 of the motorists on the road do not deserve the privilege to drive, what they do deserve is to be taken out back and beaten with an old iron pipe.

   "How can we be lovers if we can't be friends?" You don't understand how sex works, do you, Michael Bolton?

   Sarah Palin wants to trade Mark her name. What the hell's Mark gonna do with it??

   Gatorade's motto is "Is it in you?" ... Coincidentally, that was also MY motto the first several times I tried to have sex

   Ooh, baby. Can you do that thing to me with your mouth? You know. Shut it and don't speak. Oh yeah. That's feels awesome.

   I only make a lot of spelling and grammar errors because I have type-o blood.

   After marriage, sloppy seconds means not licking the cake batter spoon first.